Saturday, October 24, 2009: A More Concise, Easier to Understand, Chapters Summarized- with Important Revisions Version of "Three Cliffs Bay"

Novel Length Goal: 65,000 words/ 260 pages- 18 chapters/roughly 14 pages each.

Chapters Summary:

Chapter 1: The story begins with the introduction of Colleen Gaines (40s) closing of her interior decorating business in Durham, NC due to lack of business from the recession. Here we see the background-build-up of Colleen’s history- her divorce, her relationship with her grown children- and then her discovery of her British grandfather’s death in London which ends the 1^st chapter.

Chapter 2: Colleen arrives in London at her grandfather’s home and we begin to discover the close bond Colleen has always had with her grandfather- even though they hadn’t seen each other in years. Here we find also the distance established between her grandfather and the rest of her family due to his difficult nature and his willingness to cut off them over various disagreements.

Chapter 3: Colleen attends the reading of the will in which she discovers that she has received the bulk of her grandfather’s estate as well as his beloved keepsake box (made from an unique stone with a crescent moon shape) which she had always been fascinated by as a child. It is a box that her grandfather had promised that she would see the inside to one day- and would be hers to finally have and riffle through. Later that night, she looks inside the box to find various mementos (her grandfather’s war medals, various photographs of him with her grandmother- his mother’s rings and an article). The article intrigues Colleen because it is from her grandfather’s days at Cambridge University- when he was on the rowing team and they had won against Oxford. Within the article there is a photograph of her grandfather arm and arm- showing of his medals with an eerily fascinating and handsome man who is cited as being David Maddock- who she can’t help but be very intrigued by.

Chapter 4: Colleen’s 1^st dream sequence involving a playful and romantic midnight “adventure” with David on some mysterious and beautiful cliffs near the sea which ends in the two of them diving off the cliff into the sea below.

Chapter 5: Colleen awakens and is drawn back to the article due to her lurid dream- where she notices for the first time within the photograph- that both of the two men have unusual chains on with crescent moon shapes attached. She decides to do some research to see if the chains have to do with the boating team but she can’t find a correlation. This chapter also contains Colleen’s difficulties with her cousin- Stephen who we first met at the reading of the will- who admits to her that he plans to attest the will.

Chapter 6: Colleen visits her Aunt Beatrice in Littleport, England. They have a conversation about her grandfather and his difficult nature, his success in business- and about Colleen’s close connection to him (even though she grew up in America). They also discuss Colleen’s own failed business, as well as her cousin’s actions to try to attest the will. Afterwards- Colleen begins to inquire to her Aunt about what she remembers about her grandfather’s time at Cambridge as they look together to old family albums which ends the chapter and insights the flashback of the next.

Chapter 7: The 1936 flashback to Beatrice as a 15 year visiting her brother during his time after his 1^st semester at school. It is told from Beatrice’s point of view. Here we see her meeting David (though here his name isn’t stated anywhere in the chapter) and spending the day with them both. Also Beatrice paints David and her brother after their picnic by the river. We see her Beatrice’s own extreme intrigue over the handsome and mysterious David and her seeing the connection of David and her brother as being a connection of close fondness.

Chapter 8: Return to present day- Colleen asks Beatrice about her possibly remembering chains that they wore- if she knew what they were about- which Beatrice can’t recollect. They decide to rummage through her attic to see if they can find the painting and Colleen asks her Aunt if she can recollect the mysterious man’s name (to see if it is David Maddock) but Beatrice finally only remembers “D”. At first, Colleen assumes that she is just remembering the first initial to David’s name but Beatrice affirms to Colleen that no, her brother only called the man “D”. After, as they are unable to find the painting in the attic- Colleen then parts with her Aunt and returns to London.

Chapter 9: Colleen begins the process of closing her grandfather’s home in London for her return to America after her cousin’s actions to attest the will have failed- he approaches Colleen here about her relationship with their grandfather and harasses her one last time about the decision. Colleen later discusses with her daughter about the incident on the phone while she is rummaging around through the back stair closest within her grandfather’s house at which time she stumbles upon the painting that her Aunt Beatrice couldn’t find in her own house. She gets off the phone with her daughter- turns the painting over and finds David’s name and partial address of “Three Cliffs Bay, Wales”.

Chapter 10: The 2^nd Dream Sequence of Colleen with David lying together on the shore at midnight- peacefully listening to the lapping water- and looking up to the sky.

Chapter 11: Colleen awakens to her phone ringing but now she is in a new location- in Pennard, Wales (within Three Cliffs Bay). It’s her daughter who is calling to check in on her- Colleen tells her where she is and that she is planning to stay abroad longer. Then she heads to breakfast at the local pub where she meets Owen Terris (a handsome man in his early 50s) who is the pub owner- and discovers curious stone pieces that are made from what looks to be- the same material of her of her grandfather’s box.  She asks him about the stone and where the objects were made- and Owen directs her personally to a stone carving shop which has the same Crescent moon shape over the door that was on both the box and the chains. As they enter the shop, she meets Bryn Terris- (Owen’s mother). Colleen tells them of her box and her feelings that it must have been made at their workshop. Owen invites her to the festival in town that night where he plans to affirm to her for sure- whether or not it was made there.

Chapter 12: Colleen meets Owen at the “Three Cliffs Bay Festival” and we first begin to see the “sparks” of their romance first develop as they watch the pagan inspired events- meet the townspeople- and have their first kiss. Afterwards, they return to her room at the Bed and Breakfast where she is staying and Owen looks within the box to discover the Crescent Moon shape with “DM” written within it in the corner of the inside of the box. He admits that it had to have been made by his Uncle who he had actually never known- one David Maddock. Colleen expresses her amazement over so easily discovering the place where the box was made and that he is himself- the nephew of the man in the photograph- she shows Owen the newspaper clipping that shows her grandfather and David with the chains with the crescent moon shapes on them. He admits that they too must have been made at their shop but is surprised because their family had never created any jewelry- but only stone pieces- made from the unusual stone found within the area.

Chapter 13: The 3^rd Dream Sequence. Colleen is lying again in a blissful state at midnight on the shore but this time looks over from looking up to the sky to discover Owen lying beside her.

Chapter 14: Colleen awakens to a knocking at her door- its morning and Owen has brought her breakfast with an entire day’s plan for them to spend together. They walk along the coast- he shows her some of his family’s stone carving techniques and she sits and talks with his mother about her brother- David Maddock. Colleen shows her the newspaper clipping of her grandfather with Bryn’s brother- and Bryn begins to cry which ends the chapter and begins the next flashback.

Chapter 15: Told from Bryn’s point of view. It is now 1944 and David has returned to Three Cliffs Bay but as a very different man that has turned sour and depressed (which is implied to being due to his life at war). Here he spends all of his time within their family’s shop working on a project which he keeps hidden from the family. He remains withdrawn until the point of sending his creation off somewhere by mail and admits to Bryn before leaving for America that he doesn’t expect to return- and then lastly, gives Bryn an envelope to open after he is gone.

Chapter 16: Returning to present day- Colleen asks Bryn what became of David and Bryn tells her that she never heard from him until about 20 years ago when his ashes were returned to her. Then, Colleen and Owen walk back to her room at the Bed and Breakfast- and they talk about the night and the beauty of the cliffs and Owen surprises her by professing his love for her which she somewhat rebuffs, leaving Owen feeling uncertain about her feelings towards him.

Chapter 17: The next day, Colleen walks along the shore thinking about Owen’s revelation to her the night before. As she does she stumbles upon a cave which she enters and as she leaves she sees (but almost misses) the initials RH within a crescent moon carved on the wall of the cave with the date 10/22/1995 carved beneath. Here we discover Colleen’s own revelation of what everything means and we find the climax of the story. She quickly returns to the home of Owen and Bryn and tries to ask Bryn about her grandfather- but has a hard time getting the words out- this prompts Bryn to return within the house and brings out the 2 crescent moon chains (which were in the article’s photograph) and a letter from David that was addressed to Bryn. In the letter we see that David admits to Bryn his relationship that he had with Colleen’s grandfather- Robert Hennings (which we see his name here for the first time). That he left for America due to Robert breaking off the relationship with him citing Robert’s insecurities over being a homosexual and his need to live a life that was expected of him which he had decided while they were separated by each other  during the war. The letter also addresses that he wanted her to have the two necklaces that were Robert and David’s (one of which of course- Robert had returned to David at the time of his letter to break it off with them) because he felt that she would be the only one to understand- and that if Robert ever returned to Three Cliffs Bay- to return his necklace to him. Colleen then tells Bryn about her grandfather’s initials which she found earlier that day on the wall of the cave at the shore- and Bryn tells Colleen that she knew that to be the last place that Robert and David were- where they said goodbye to each other- before leaving to join up in the war. She admits that she always knew of their homosexual relationship- having known her brother so well (even before his letter) and they both realize that her grandfather had returned to the cave in 1995 (but didn’t come to the house to which Bryn would have given him his necklace) and had written his own initials on the wall to leave for David.

Chapter 18: Together Colleen, Owen and Bryn go into the cave with the box which David had created for Robert- which now contains both of their ashes together- and they lay the box beneath her grandfather’s symbol- with the crescent moon chains on top of it. At the very end- Colleen admits her own love for Owen and her apology for her actions which she was insecure about before.

**Please tell me your honest opinions- good or bad- because i'm really thinking about doing this!!

....Also, here are some links to some sites about the real "Three Cliffs Bay"- it was funny because I knew I wanted it to be set by the Welsh cliffs- because I went there in high school and we stayed in a youth hostel situationed literally on the top of a cliff- which was probably one of the most beautiful places that i've ever been...but then I found the more specific location of "Three Cliffs Bay" after I started writing my outline and was sure that it was the perfect place- also I knew I wanted the cave element and perfectly enough...I found a site showing "the caves of Three Cliffs Bay", lol. It was meant to be.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Cliffs_Bay

http://www.threecliffsbay.com/gallery

http://www.the-gower.com/beaches/threecliff/threecliffs.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennard_(electoral_ward)

http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Pennard

http://www.walesdirectory.co.uk/pennard.htm (a site to give you an idea of the types of bed and breakfast places she might could have stayed at)

Three Cliffs Bay: Plot Outline

An American woman, Corrine Gaines (40s)- divorced- and with recently grown children - leaves  her home in North Carolina after discovering that her long-since-seen but beloved British grandfather (93) died at his home in London- a wealthy but grounded man he became distant from most of her family due to various family estrangements garnered a lot due to his supposedly difficult nature. However Corrine herself always felt  particularly connected with- closer than anyone else really- There inside his will she finds that he has left her a good deal of money but more importantly to her- a treasured keepsake item- a beautiful but simple antique stone box with a crescent moon design that she had always been fascinated with while growing up- a box which he said would be hers to “riffle through one day”-  which within contain a number of personal items of her grandfather’s- from his medals from WW2- photographs of him with her grandmother when they were young, his own mother’s locket- and a newspaper article from when her grandfather was in school at Cambridge and was on the winning team  in a rowing match (with the Cambridge boating club) against Oxford University’s club- in the article, there contains a picture of her grandfather- arm and arm showing off the winning metal alongside a handsome man who strangely intrigues her- his name is stated  in the caption below as David Marsdale. She finds herself unable to stop thinking about this man, finding him oddly intriguing- but puts the article away and goes to sleep.

That night she has an overwhelming dream of the man- a dream of him romancing her in the moonlight and them diving together from a tall cliff into the sea. She awakens in the morning, finding herself immediately driven back to the box and to his picture within the article, where she notices for the first time something unusual- within the picture she sees that both her grandfather and this man are wearing unusual matching rings which match the markings on the keepsake box. She thinks that it must just be rings that all of the rowing team must have worn- though she is confused by how the ring’s symbol/shape of a crescent moon has to do with rowing.  She goes on the internet to research the “Cambridge rowing team’s rings”- but comes up with nothing- she sees no such rings in any online pictures of the Cambridge rowers throughout the years- or finding any documented information about these rings.

Two Days later- she finds herself at her great Aunt Beatrice’s home in Littleport, England- after her grandfather’s cremation- and spends time discussing her family life in America- the sadness of her grandfather’s passing- and begins to ask her Great Aunt (the only other relative to remain close to her grandfather) if she remembers anything about her grandfather’s time at Cambridge. They talk further and her Aunt begins to talk about various times that she saw her brother during that time period- flashing back to her visiting her brother after his 1^st semester at the school when she herself was about 15.

In this first flashback (1936), we discover her spending the afternoon with her brother on the campus grounds- we find that she herself had spent the day with both her brother and the intriguing man from the photograph- playing by the lake after a picnic- and finding even that she had painted a painting of them by the lake while she was there visiting. As the day goes on- we get to sense first hand now the attachment between these two men- which his sister witnessed as a playful bond between them.

Returning from the flashback- Corrine begins to ask her aunt about this man- if she knew his name (to see if it might be the man within the article with her grandfather)- her aunt can only vaguely remember- sounding out possible names to jog her memory- and then comes to the realization of “D”. Corrine thinks that she’s just remembering the first initial to the name but her grandmother corrects her saying that she remembers her brother calling him only “D” and how amazingly intrigued she was herself by this man- almost like no other. She asks her great aunt if she remembers any rings- but she remembers nothing about them having rings or what became of the painting- and so Corrine returns to her grandfather’s home in London.

Later, as she’s beginning the process of closing down the house a bit later for her return to North Carolina- she discovers hidden away in her grandfather’s stair closet- the painting of the two men together that her great aunt had painted when they spent that day together by the river. As she turns the painting over- she looks on its back and discovers: “David Marsdale, Three Cliffs Bay, Wales”. The discovery of the painting and the scribbled half specific address- intrigues her further prompting her to call her grown daughter to tell her that she is prolonging her stay abroad.

From here begins a chapter starting with another lurid dream set on the cliffs under a moonlite night with her being held by “D” as they look up at the stars. They don’t speak to one another but lay together in a blissful silence with nothing but the sound of the crashing waves on the cliffs.

Again- she awakens but this time we find her in a new location- Pennard, Wales- a small village set on a beautiful landscape on the Welsh coast within Three Cliffs Bay. She feels as though she doesn’t know why or what brought her to this place but that she was driven here somehow. One day while in the village pub- she looks up on the wall while eating her breakfast to see beautiful stone sculptures with the same unique and eerily reminiscent stone that was on her grandfather’s box. She asks the pub owner where it came from and he agrees to direct her to place where it was made. The man’s name is Colin Terris- a well preserved and attractive man in his early 50s. As she walks with the man- she finds herself easily connecting to him- as if somehow she might know him- and finds herself feeling very vulnerable to him. He walks her to a small home overlooking the sea at the edge of a cliff- where adjacent to the home there is a small workshop with a crescent moon carving over the door way. He opens the door and calls out to for his mother. From there- a little old woman (Bryn Terris) comes to greet them. She is pleasant with a warm demeanor- and invites them in. She is surprised to discover that Colin and his mother work together in their generations-old family business of stone carving.  She sees this as having to be where the beautiful antique stone box, which held her grandfather’s treasures, was created. After talking with them- and discussing the box- she tells them that she wants to show them it just to make sure that It was made in that location- so Colin invites her to the “The Three Cliffs Bay Festival” which is a mock Celtic/Pagan festival located within town that is to be held that night- where she can show him the box there while he is in town.

Next- we find them meeting at the festival where there are jovial people- pagan dances- good food- and she begins to find herself falling for Colin quickly- as him to her- and they kiss. After the festival, they return to her hotel room and she presents to him the box- which he opens and looks to the inside corner with a flash light and shows her the inscription- “D.M” within a small crescent moon shape which he states signifies the maker of the box- who turns out to be his uncle- one David Marsdale (his mother’s older brother). She is shocked to discover that she had successfully stumbled upon the origins of the box and the nephew of the man in the photograph so easily. She shows him the photograph of his uncle with her grandfather and he agrees that the rings their wearing had to have been made in the family shop as well but says that he is surprised because the family has never made jewelry. He returns home- and she falls asleep- beginning another lurid dream with her laying by the sea and by a man- but this time she looks over to see Colin.

The next morning- she awakens to Colin knocking at her door with breakfast and tells her that he has planned an entire day for them together. They go walking along the beach and find themselves back at his home that he shares with his mother- he helps to show her some of their carving techniques- helping to solidify their realization of their love for one another and for the benefit of the reader. Afterwards- she is talking with Colin’s mother and shows her the photograph of her grandfather with the woman’s brother (David)- his mother begins to cry- and Corrine doesn’t understand what the cause of it is- but the old woman begins to tell her a story- of David’s time at Cambridge- which she says were the happiest days of his life-  of memories of knowing her grandfather herself- who she knew very well at one time- and then she begins to speak of a different David- that one that came back from the War which prompts the 2^nd flashback scene.

Here- we find a tortured David- a man hurt and depressed- seemingly by the War- someone who spends his time toiling away in their workshop creating a project which his sister saw as him obsessing over. Then at its completion we witness David sending the package away before David leaves Three Cliffs Bay for America which ends the flashback.

Back to present day with Colin’s mother talking with Corrine—Corrine asks what became of David- she says that he disappeared and no one knew what became of him until about 20 years ago when she received his ashes which she shows to her that are within an urn in the house. Next, Colin walks her back to her hotel room and they talk about the moonlight and the beauty of the cliffs and he professes his love for her.

The next morning- while walking alone along the coast she discovers a cavern at base of a cliff and decides to explore. Within the cavern on its wall- but almost easy to miss- is a crescent moon carving with the initials- RH within it. Suddenly we’re at the pinnacle of the story- the point where Corrine truly understands- her epiphany. She runs to the Colin’s home and finds the old woman and in a panic- tries and tries to ask her about her grandfather…but can’t seem to manage the words- the old woman tells her to wait and goes into the house- returning with the two crescent shaped rings and a number of letters from David which he never got the courage to send to her grandfather- all affirming to her who her grandfather really was- a closeted homosexual and that David was in fact his true love- denied to him by his guilt which was placed by the society of the time.

One letter is shown within the novel- a letter in which David writes to her grandfather (who we discover at this point that his name is Robert Hennings) that he is the only true love of his life-- professing his torture over the fact of Robert simply writing him that he it was over between them- which he decided while they were apart during the war—thus ending their commitment they had for one another. Later in the later David shows his understanding for why he might have made the decision but ending with a promise from him that he’ll be waiting for him one day at the cavern at the foot of the cliff where they last said goodbye before the War.

Then the old woman admits that she always knew of their relationship which tore her brother a part and that just a number of years ago- Corrine’s grandfather had returned himself to Three Cliffs Bay and had carved RJ in the crescent moon on the wall of the cavern (as if to present to David post humorously- that his heart had always been with him).

Last scene- the three of them- Corrine, Colin and his mother- walk down to the cavern with the box that meant so much to her grandfather which now contains the ashes of both David and Robert together- and they place them within the cavern under the crescent moon carving with their rings a top of their box.

Major Characters-

Corrine Gaines- an American woman, specifically from North Carolina who is within her 40s and is the protagonist of the story.

David Marsdale- a mysteriously handsome man from Corrine’s grandfather’s past- who is only talked about and seen in flashbacks.

Colin Terris- a man in his 50s from Three Cliffs Bay who becomes Corrine’s guide to the area.

Robert Hennings- Corrine’s grandfather who recently died (only seen through flashbacks and being spoken of). A strong willed, sharp tongued wealthy British man- who cut himself off from (or was cut off) from most her Corrine’s family. He was a man that had a deep connection with Corrine.

Bryn Terris- Colin’s mother who is a small fragile old woman who is also instantly “warm” and inviting to most anyone.

Aunt Beatrice- Corrine’s great aunt and sister to Robert Hennings who was the only other relative to Robert to remain close to him.

Thursday, October 22, 2009: Job Interview

Yay, I had my 4th job interview today. I felt fairly good about it. It was for a collections agency in Durham. The lady had called me the other day and we talked on the phone and she basically gave me an interview right there via the phone- then she scheduled a person-to-person interview today. When I got there I met her and she was really nice- and gave me a questionaire to fill out and then an employment application to fill out as well. Then after that I took a typing test- and she told me that she was very impressed with my fast typing skills- which made me feel great because I didn't know that I really typed that fast (uhum...thanks years of xanga entries, jk)...Then she took me in to the interview part with like 3 people there. I was nervous but I really felt good about my answers and I could tell that the lady (the manager) felt good about me- she said that she wouldn't normally have given me an interview- since I don't have previous call center type experience but that she was very impressed with my persistance and how I "pursued her". She then told me that she always was impressed that when she spoke to me on the phone that I seemed to really have a good idea of what the company was about- and said that she's scheduled a number of interviews lately but people haven't been showing up and that I showed up early and was prepared. It was nice hearing that directly from a possible future employer after hearing what I heard from people recently who again...don't know the effort i've put into getting a new job...but anyway- the one negative thing she did say was that I seemed more "passive" and wondered how i'd do in an environment when I would need to really step up and be assertive- and I told her that at my last job I had to really step up and be assertive with customers- for instance with a customer one time who tried to tell me how we were going to do our photo shoot and I had to really show my assertive nature and let her know that we really have a procedure we have to follow and that "while we want to give her the best product that she deserves- it does require playing by our rules"- and while the lady did complain consistantly behind our heads during the appointment- she ended up letting us do all the things we were required to do and ended up purchasing those extra items, amazingly enough. So I felt good about that answer in response to me being seeming a bit "passive" and she seemed to be impressed with it as well. I really did feel good about my answers- I did stumple though on the "list 2 weaknesses" question...because while I K N O W i'm not perfect...I didn't want to say temper because well...its a collections agency (lol) so I went with "my nerves" because she had already called me out of my "passive nature" and that was already out on the table- but I smoothed it over by saying that I really come into my own once I've become comfortable with a new situation- which is very true- but I really didn't have another answer- oops! But ultimately...I left feeling fairly good about the interview in general- and I really hope to get it- because if its offered- I'm taking it and determined to stick with it and be good at it. However- what does suck is the job is in downtown Durham and we are supposidly moving to Clayton...so grr...we'll have to figure that out. But it really will be nice to work again because I don't particularly enjoy feeling useless.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009: Being Disowned and Such

Well...things have been a little crazy lately. I'm scared to log too detailed in here for the sake of not getting my head bitten off by terrifying carnivorous flying bats...Xanga is such a double edged thing...I guess the "journalist" in me wants to put everything all down in detail...but the part of me that knows that people I know actually read this- knows I have to welp...watch what I type and not be too overly candid- especially when talking about others for anyone to read. I can only imagine how petrified I'd be if I went to read a person's Xanga to see a bunch of not nice stuff written there about me (true as it might be...) so I will TRY to maintain myself...Let's see if I can do it...

So...

I have been disowned.

DUNDUNDUN!!!

Why you ask? Well...due to my decision to stand up for myself to...well obviously...one of my parents- who doesn't really like me standing up to them. I've been threatened twice before over small things- but this time it looks like its been carried through with. I can't say that i'm too terribly disappointed or surprised- except for the sake of having a relationship with others more closely connected to "said individual" who do mean a lot more to me.

I honestly don't feel bad for what I said though. I am very well aware that I tend to have a smart mouth and can be overly harsh when I am angry (where did I learn such skills??)...however- nothing that I said is something that I didn't truly mean- and I have had so many issues with this particular parent for so long now- so many things that I've seen this person do over the years- and say- and not say- that personally make me have no respect for them or their actions- actions that show me that maturity does not depend on age.

The simple truth however is...you just don't EVER disown your children and if you do that- and say that- don't expect that those words don't cause the permanent result that you obviously intended in the moment of dismissing them from your lips. I honestly think that is one of the SICKEST things you can say to your child. That "you are no longer my son."

Really...really?

Is it really that easy dismiss people like that? Is that really mature? I think that action just helps to prove my point in how "said parent" is NOT a good parent. I think the only reason that I'd disown my child would be due to the fact that they perhaps ...killed another family member out of enjoyment- or ...grew up to be Hitler. Those reasons would probably make me want to not have that individual in my life anymore and thus make me pretend that they were not family. Not however- over my child making an un-specific (non name/relation- attached) statement on a public forum that stayed up for 10 minutes at 12am...over the child's disappointment with their parent's actions after a phone conversation with them in which they preceded to criticize them after not speaking with them for months- resulting in the parent addressed the child thru an email in a very upset and rude response over the statement posted- which then just continued into creating a back to back- ugly verbal/written snowball effect.

I just don't think a fight with my child would ever cause me to use the words- "stay away from my family and my house- you are no longer my son." Actually I can promise that will never happen with my children because guess what...that kind of goes against the whole "unconditional love" thing...To me, no matter what I said on my part (though- nothing I said was said with anything more than true feelings towards my parent that i've had for years over their horrific parenting skills)...is nearly as immature and evil as those words- especially from a parent whom you always felt like was a "forced relationship" on their part from year 5 when they went and adopted you.

But I mean I did say...and it is true- I'm not that hurt by it- and i'm really not- due to these types of situations happening so often over the years which has put me into my current state of "lack of caring" about this person. However- it does bother me (like I said) in relation to the other family members whom I am now supposidly "cut off from" who I don't have any negative "beef" with and who I do think are wonderful people.

The whole circumstance however has just continued to blow up- and I will probably catch shit for writing in my Xanga about this (which will be the next thing)- but well...I really like to keep a record of my life through this thing- so its too hard for me not too. But anyway...I invited Rick's support into the scenerio which has caused more drama due to fact that these 2 particular people do not get a long either...and i've now had to cut him off from it because he was getting more mad than I was over the incidences. But...it is nice to see the person you marry show you how much they want to protect you... but honestly...i'm afraid he'd probably snap their head off.

Anyway. Like I said- I know that I lay each and every emotion/feeling out on my sleaves- which can be hard for people at times- fortunately or unfortunately... its how I am. If I have problems I address them- I don't bottle things up and try to ignore it...with me- it will come out- and if I feel like you're wrong- I am honestly going to sit down- analyze the situation- and address my issues outspokenly. Sorry for those that would prefer to have their egos massaged- for those with OVERLY BLOATED IDEALISTIC IMAGES OF THEMSELVES- but if you're wrong- you're wrong- and I'm just the loud mouth- "unzipped lip-ed" type of person to tell you.

So...to those who'd "expect" respect from their children. My advice as someone who is bitter over my childhood... would be to avoid these specific things:

1. calling your child these names: "sissy", "girly", or "baby" (or other types of "making fun of") throughout their childhood.

2. drinking and driving with your children in your car.

3. hitting your children when you're angry.

4. threatening your children not to cry when their hurt.

5. showing EXTREMELY OBVIOUS favoritism towards other siblings.

6. constantly criticizing your children.

7. acting immature yourself to your loved ones in an argument or fight (for instance- to your children or in front of them).

8. constantly asking your older children to watch your younger children- so you can go to "True Value" which...well...honestly never caused any of your children to be fooled in relation to what that actually really meant...ahumm..."coming home with no hardware store products after hours-long disappearances but a brown paper bag with a silver can in it"...or maybe two...

9. spending more time on road trips then at home with your family.

10. not showing any parental consistancy skills- (i.e- you can do this today- but for no reason- not tomorrow) or...the "its right for me/wrong for you" game- and I don't mean staying up late or watching tv...but more like... "walking around barefoot in the kitchen, eating on carpet, not going to church, standing up to people, doing uhumm...drugs, hitting people...making fun of people...lying (i.e. "i'm not smoking"...but yet you come in reaking of it with packs of cigarettes hidden away in your car) etc.".

11. intimidating your children through anger and your physical presence.

12. turning your childrens pictures around in their frames or taking them out of frames.

13. ever calling the police on your children unless there is something actually something serious occuring.

14. showing enormous amounts of endless arrogance towards everybody.

15. coming downstairs during family events obviously intoxicated on items most likely...not beverages- or getting on the phone when your children are talking to their friends with you being again... under the same condition.

16. disagreeing with your spouses parenting skills behind their back...when yours are 100x worse.

17. showing your children very few displays of love or affection during their younger years- or at least...not the ones you don't like.

18. apologizing to your children for your actions to just turn around and redo those similar things.

19. talking trash about your child's other parent behind their back, no matter what issues your C H I L D might be having with that parent at the time of the discussion.

20. not abusing each and every wall and door with your fist when your on a rampage. They might have feelings too...

21. make sure your children aren't telling your other children that they are: "afraid of *said-parent* hitting them when they got home" and that "*said-parent* is mean to us and hits us all the time".

22. not allowing your younger children to go to your older child's gay wedding- as if "there was something wrong with it" after saying for so long how "liberal" and "okay with gays" you are (see #10).

23. talking about how mature you are when it was so obvious how immature you are, even to your children...sadly enough even when they themselves were physically immature.

24. ever saying to your children: "I don't have to like you...I'm just suppose to love you." (**smack, hug**)

25. not allowing your children to be themselves or...of being children (i.e. always being told "I don't have time for silly".)

Welp...that's probably enough examples of my advice to any parents that might would read this. Of course- I'm not saying that to say one or two or three of these things together would make you say "a bad parent"- however...I'd avoid having all 25 examples in your parenting...how do you say...repetou?.

No parent is perfect- and all parents make mistakes and yes- your children will NOT like you all the time- however...if you sense that your children have consistantly a general negative opinion of you...I might read some sort of "How To Be an Adequent Parent" book, watch a video, visit your church, or put down your beer can--

or wait...just stop being a jackass because otherwise- your child might grow up to write a bitter tell-all Xanga entry like this .

(and yes...my color choices are sarcastic.)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009: H1N1 and Job Hunting Still...

Yesterday, Rick's dad found out he has the swine flu. Luckily of course- its not at all a big deal from Rick and me if we were to get it because of our age group and our general health- but Rick's dad fits in perfectly with the high-risk group (though they do say however that H1N1 is more harshly affecting the extremely young). His dad has been in poor health for a long time now- in and out of the hospital- as well as Rick's mom- and so Rick's dad getting it does make me worry about them...but honestly- his dad does seem to be normal- I mean I can't tell that he is sick or anything. It was funny yesterday- because Rick's mom called us to tell us about his dad- and made it seem so extremely pertinent for us to go get the Teraflu and so Rick went to the Urgent Care to get it (which honestly made sense for him because he's finishing up his nursing school and works will soon be working with the sick and stuff during his clinicals) but when we got there- I swear the doctors seem to be kind of laughing at us (without actually laughing at us) because they were like..."Well, do you have any symptoms?"..."This is only something to worry about if you were having symptoms and you were in one of the high risk groups...and your not...soo..." It was really pretty funny because we looked like paranoid people- but I really understand Rick's thinking about it in regards to his working with patients- but his mom could have probably made it seem less dramatic for us, though of course- it is sweet that she cared so much. They said that they expect for 30-40% of Americans to become infected with the Swine Flu by it's end which I was suprised by but it really has made the whole thing seem so less serious than they were initially making it out to be. It supposidly just a "light flu" to the general population and that the "Winter's Flu" will actually cause more deaths than H1N1. Ahh the media and its love for "hype".

I've reached my 151st job that i've applied for and still...only 3 interviews...I've gotten so fed up with this process that I'm going to meet up with my Aunt this Friday for dinner and she's going to go over my different resumes and cover letters and my general job search methods to make sure i'm doing the best I can to help me gain a new job. This process has been every bit as difficult as I was thinking that it could be. I'm starting to seriously think about getting some type of new certification or something to help prompt more job interviews/offers. I had hoped that maybe having worked for the same company for 2 years and having a college degree would be great for me- but obviously with the job market being as tight as it is- the employeers can basically get exactly what they want so people looking to work in a different type of field (i.e me) are going to have a harder time- but honestly though- there is just nothing in the photography field...I mean Portrait Innovations was already one of the most highest paying photography studios to work for- all the others really do pay so much less and so few are highering- and the only other way to make any real money in photography is having your own company and I really don't want to do that. I've never been interested in having my own company. I just want to do some receptionist/administrative assistant type work for awhile and get back on track with moving into my own townhome. That really seems to be my train of thought right now but it really looks like i'm going to need some additional certification just to be able to get those types of jobs- which I really thought my 4 year degree would make me a shoo-in...lol.

Donny